Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
