I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
wanna go halves on a baby?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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