Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
