Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
