Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
