Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
