I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
