Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
