a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had sex on a roof
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
