Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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