k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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