I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
