What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
