to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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