Will you blow on my dice?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
