You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
