dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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