its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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