I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
