It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
