We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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