dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
