So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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