just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
