Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
