I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
