I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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