no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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