so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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