i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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