Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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