I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
