Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
