She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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