i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
