Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
