I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
