I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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