Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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