I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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