some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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