It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
