we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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