I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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