Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
