our cab driver is having phone sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
