I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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