i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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