if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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