i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
