I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
