VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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