Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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