Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
