four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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